12 Rules for Mobsters

An Antidote to Sloppiness

Book Description:

Some books teach you how to succeed. This one teaches you how to survive.

Blending humor, wisdom, and a touch of tough love, 12 Rules for Mobsters is a satirical guide to discipline, respect, and getting your act together—before someone else does it for you. Inspired by classic self-improvement books but delivered with the grit and attitude of a made guy, this book lays down the essential rules for staying sharp, earning trust, and keeping your business—whatever it may be—running smoothly.

Inside, you’ll learn:

  • "Clean Your Money Before You Clean Your Room" – Because an unmade bed won’t get you whacked, but sloppy books will.

  • "Stand Up Straight—But Know When to Duck" – Confidence is key, but so is not getting sucker-punched.

  • "If You Can’t Articulate Your Argument, Whack ’Em" – Persuasion is an art, but sometimes, the brush is a baseball bat.

  • "Do Not Bother Children While They Are Skateboarding—Or Selling Your Product" – Hustle recognizes hustle.

The book also includes:

  • The Mobster Personality Quiz – Find out if you’re a Wannabe, Associate, Enforcer, Consigliere, or The Boss.

For those who enjoy sharp wit, street-smart lessons, and a little tough talk, this book delivers wisdom with a twist. Whether you’re running a crew, a business, or just trying to get your affairs in order, these rules are your roadmap to success—or at least staying out of trouble.

A satirical take on self-discipline, leadership, and survival in a world that doesn’t tolerate sloppiness.

FAQ’s

(frequently asked questions)

  • A: As serious as a guy explaining tax evasion over espresso. Meaning: It’s got real wisdom, but it’s wrapped in satire, dark humor, and just enough questionable ethics to keep things interesting.

  • A: No. But it might teach you how to avoid getting screwed over—by bosses, bad deals, and life itself. Which is kind of the same thing.

  • A: If you have to ask, probably. But if you can handle a little sarcasm and tough love, you’ll be fine.

  • A: Then you have terrible taste. Or you can return it. But honestly, I’d rather you keep it and just use it as an expensive coaster.

  • A:

    • People who think self-help books are full of sh*t.

    • People who appreciate blunt, no-BS advice.

    • People who enjoy a good laugh while secretly learning something useful.

    If that sounds like you, congratulations—you just found your new favorite book.

  • A:

    • People who cry when they get constructive criticism.

    • People who take life too seriously.

    • People who still believe in “manifesting” instead of actually doing things.

  • A: That depends—are you actually going to apply the lessons, or just read it and go back to making terrible decisions?

  • A: Absolutely. It’s the perfect way to say: “Hey, I love you, but you could really use some street smarts.”

  • A: You probably shouldn’t. But trust the book. It’s got better judgment than both of us.